I want to be normal...I hate how I can't stop trying to get control...I wish I could eat like a normal 16 year old girl with out freaking out or having a battle in my head...but I don't want to go to tell my mom, I doubt she would even do anything...she'd probably just get mad at me...she would probably never bring me to a doctor to get help...i asked her 2ish months ago if she would bring me to the doctor when I got home so I could stop being depressed and find out why I can't sleep, etc...I've been home since july 20th i think it was...and i haven't been to the doctor, nor has she made any mention of bringing me at all...I doubt any doctor would believe me if I even ever got the courage to admit to them about my eating problems...I'm not severely underweight, I'm like borderline underweight for my height according to my bmi...if on the extremely small chance that they would believe me and i would start to get help, i don't know if i could even handle it...i don't want them to make me gain weight...i love being thinner than my friends...its like the only way i can feel like I'm winning for once...everyone is ALWAYS better than me...except for that...and now my head hurts...audios people.. =/

im a freak =P

hehehehe i haven't eaten since last month! I feel goofy. kind of like how i expect high people feel.