ugh :(

I'm so bleh feeling. There was this ad on the radio about sonic's patties being bigger and juicier and it made me want to puke. More like bigger, more fattening, and greasier...that was added to the already disgusting feeling from trying to eat a chocolate shake... I've been trying so hard to eat better and not go days without eating hardly at all but right now I feel like I'm about to go back to that even though I don't want to...I hate the way I worry people and the way I'm so weak that I can't stand up without feeling dizzy but I love the sense of control I have. I love the way I finally feel like I get a say in my life. Today when I was trying to eat the shake, every spoonful was torture. I used to love them but today it was absolutely disgusting. The way it tasted...the way it felt on my tongue...the way the spoon felt...all of it. I couldn't finish it. Its sitting in front of me right now like a cup of vomit...