After school I came home and within TWO hours I had devoured this:
1 brownie-kind of a big one.
2 chocolate chip cookies-about an inch & a half in diameter
2 pieces of bread with I can't believe its not butter spread on them.
Glass of chocolate almond silk
Package of peanut butter crackers- 200 calories worth alone
3 rolls with the fake butter and honey.
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Ewwwww. I feel so disgusted with myself right now...
I'm typing this in between spews...tmi I know...
Its strange. You'd think that since the rolls were the last thing I devoured, they would be the first to come up...they weren't...I think the brownies/silk was...what evEr it was is a chocolatey colored brown bleck. I'm starting to get chunks of rolls up now...
I need to chew things better...I should not be able to tell what I'm puking up.
I nevEr thought I would go towards puking as I hate throwing up...but lately,, I've been tickling the back of my throat with that short white tooth brush more and more frequently...in the past 20 hours, I've done it 3 times....that makes me feel disgusted with myself again...
I think I'm going to stop now...I feel so guilty...I want to shove the toothbrush down my throat again though...and again. And again. Until I puke up my organs...
ahhh i do this all the time and i feel so angry with myself like WHY DID I DO THIS.. and the starchyness never comes up first.. and bread feels gross coming back out lol
ReplyDeleteI hate the guilt feeling. Don't beat ur self up. no one is perfect. you'll get through this!
ReplyDeletexoxox stay strong :)