right now i feel like fasting for a week....ive never really fasted before...unless you count this one time i ate nothing at all and barely drank any water for a little over a day because i was so depressed about something...the only reason i ended up eating was because my mom sent me to stay with my sister for a week and i think she told her to make sure i ate and my sister was staring me down like a hawk so i had to eat a burrito...
But right now i want to because i want to feel the control. and i want to feel the hunger pains. i love feeling pain on my body...if i could get away with it...i would probably have cuts all over me...but the people i hang out with are very noticing of cuts. and they are very....enforcing? of trying to get people to stop cutting. so i will have to do with hunger pains. then when im bored of fasting i will start to eat only celery and lettuce...that way i don't binge and get rid of the proof i have of my control...until my metabolism is back to normal then i might eat some in front of people that way they don't get worried.
ehhh this sounds so morbid...oh well...i doubt many people if any read my blogs anyway. theyre more of a diary to me. but one that my family wont find and read.
Mine is pretty much a diary too..but it's an amazing outlet. don't worry it starts out slow at first but picks up. I'll recommend your blog in my next post :) Fasting is great if you can do it.. I failed the first dozen time I tried..but now i can do it.
ReplyDeleteIs your sister older?
stay strong sweetie xoxox