Dear Dad,
Why did you do this to me?!? Did you not even give a care if I and others were affected by you killing yourself?!?! You messed up my life that day so close to two years ago! You screwed up my emotions! I am depressed so often! I have the wrong emotion for whatever is happening when I'm not depressed because I'm so not used to emotions besides super sad! Being depressed constantly and needing control over my life that you ruined screwed up my eating habits! You pulling that trigger caused a downward spiral for me that I can't get out of! But you don't care at all! You've never truly cared about me! I was always your least favorite kid! Is that why it was so okay for you to kill yourself 5 minutes after I saw you in the state of mind you were in?!?!?!?
Why couldn't you have just loved me for once...I loved you...I always did...that's why I told you I did, and why I begged you not to hurt yourself...
You left me...I was barely a teenager...I needed my dad in my life...I still do...I need my dad that will chase away any guy that likes me, except for that one guy that would be perfect. I need my dad that will hold me when I'm upset or scared. I need my dad that will escort me for things...Its not my brothers job to do that! Its yours!
I wish you could see me right now...struggling to get through days. Sleeping as much as I can so I don't have to be awake. Crying my eyes out. Texting my brother because I'm so upset and I need a reminder of why I can't die.
Why are you doing this to me....
='((